Designing Your Happiness Part 1
We are delighted to share with you an excerpt from Emily Fletcher’s Conscious Design of Happiness series for those looking for ways to become more fulfilled.
What do I want to do? Not what is smartest, not what is best, not what’s going to make me the most money, not what’s the safest, not what’s like the most secure. What do I want to do? Because here’s the reality. Your desires are divinely inspired. Nature is the thing that put those desires there, okay? So that’s how we want to use it as our GPS. Is where is nature using me to deliver my fulfillment? Because we now know that we are not gonna get our fulfillment on the other side of that thing. How do we know that? Because we woke up and we flooded our brain with dopamine and serotonin this morning, which is actually the thing that I was looking for on the other side of that million dollars or that engagement ring or that new job. I was looking for that hit of dopamine and serotonin, but I already got that. But I still have this desire. Why? Because this is how nature is queuing you to go and deliver your fulfillment.
Premeditation. We’re just need. We’re like a bag of need running around looking for fulfillment. Who can fill me up? Who can make me happy? Once you start meditating, you become fulfillment looking for need. Who needs me? How can I help? How can I contribute? And then the paradoxical thing that happens is when you start looking at your life as what can I give to this situation versus what can I get, all that money, and all the sex, and all the clothes, and all the stuff starts coming by accident because your spiritual currency has increased. You are more valuable. People want to be around the happy people.
Okay, so I guess I’ll talk about forgiveness because this week was Yom Kippur. I’m not Jewish, but I am really a fan of this holiday, because like many years ago maybe 12 years ago my friend David Reecer [SP] and I — we call him “Jew Jackman,” he’s like super Jew — we had this like rooftop Yom Kippur celebration. It was people of all different faiths, and David sort of led us through this, and sort of educated us on the on the beauty that is Yom Kippur. I had never really heard this word atonement before.
But actually, I think I didn’t really have the concept to understand what that meant, so I just really took it as like forgiveness. So, basically we asked everyone that attended — it was like a pot luck. And we asked everyone that attended to bring something to share on the subject of forgiveness. And some people brought like poems, and YouTube videos, and pictures, and told stories. I decided for whatever reason, that I was going to lead a guided visualization on forgiveness.
This is years ago, 12 or 13 years ago. I had not started meditating. I had never been to see a therapist. I’d done basically zero self-help work. I had no business leading this sort of visualization really, but I felt called to do it, so I did it.
It was lovely. It was a beautiful night. We all had a great time. Cut to like four years later, I’m sitting in my therapist’s office and he was like, “Are you Jewish?” And I was like, “No, raised Southern Baptist.” He was like, “Why were you at a Shabbat?” because we called this thing like a traveling Shabbat, by the way. Anyway, I was like, “Oh, well we just had this thing a long time ago” He was like, “Yeah, one of my clients was there that night.” This is like four years after this thing happened and he’s like, “One of my clients was there, and she says you led something like a forgiveness thing, and that it changed her whole life.” And I was like, “Whoa.” And he was like, “See, I told you, you were a f***king humor.” S anyway, the point of the story was not that.