Harville Hendrix, one of this country's most renowned relationship experts, talks about the classic scenario of "minimizers and maximizers" in relationship -- those who avoid contact tend to attract those who require excessive contact and vice versa -- in this transcrbed excerpt from his talk on "Finding and Keeping the Love You Want."
Minimizers and maximizers come in all different sizes and shapes. They have what we call adaptations. If they were injured in the attachment stage with either neglect or rejection, then what will happen in their adulthood is that they will develop a pattern of avoidance -- that is, of withdrawal. Or one of them will do that and the other one will develop a pattern of clinging. So they make a very interesting pair. This is the type of pairing that occurs. The person who withdraws pulls away, doesn’t show any emotion, likes to spend a lot of time alone, will be attracted to and fall in love with and make a committed partnership with the person who can’t stand being alone, who wants to be together all of the time. When you go to bed at night, they want to snuggle all night long.
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