Four Essentials of a Dream Relationship with Harville Hendrix Part IPosted February 09 2015
Harville Hendrix -- one of the foremost relationship experts of our time -- guides listeners through the four most important elements to the kind of relationship we all want in "Four Essentials of a Dream Relationship". In this transcribed first excerpt from his workshop, Hendrix talks about how having a healthy relationship is not only beneficial to ourselves, but to the world.
Having a healthy relationship is the best health benefit that anybody can have for themselves, for their children if they have them, and for the culture they live in. And because of that, in my old age I have decided I’m going to spend the next 40 years of my life… I’m 75 I figure I’ll go to 120, which is the life span if human beings are healthy, I see no reason to die. It seems like a terrible inconvenience, especially since I have things I want to do, which is to transform all couples on the planet so that we can end war and violence in all its forms. And that the best thing you can do for that is to have a great relationship with your partner because that’s what a global couples movement would be about --- is a healthy relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself.
You don’t have to go march or write articles, yell, scream and so forth, just have a great marriage. Just have a great relationship and when we get to 17% of couples on the planet with great relationships, you know what? Tipping point. After that, it’s all simply a matter of waiting until the last domino falls. So your being here tonight, unbeknownst to yourself, you’re being conscripted to be active social agents in the transformation of the world. By transforming your relationship -- or if it doesn’t need transformation, many marriages do need transformation, some can be tuned up. But not many. If these four features are not in your relationship, then it probably needs transformation and not a tune up. So let’s look at some of that now. So one of the things that we’ve learned is relationships have stages. So all couples go through stages and the transition from one stage to another often disturbs the relationship because the culture is not educated enough to the fact that it goes through stages. And it’s like anything else.
Pregnancy -- you know you have three stages in pregnancy and if you didn’t know that… but the culture done a good job of saying there are at least three stages in pregnancy. We also know that how the stages are navigated determines the outcome of the relationship and we also know most couples have no idea what’s going on.