Four Essentials of a Dream Relationship with Harville Hendrix Part II

In this second transcribed excpert from Harville Hendrix's workshop on the "Four Essentials of a Dream Relationship", Hendrix once again emphasizes that if we heal our relationships, we can heal the planet. And while the concept of healing relationships is really quite simple, living it, as most of us know, is quite difficult.  We're grateful to have teachers like Hendrix to help guide the way. Read on...

I want to get back now to the core, to the title. So you kind of got the set up about how we get into marriage, what causes the trouble in a committed partnership, and what you have to do to get out of it. What I’ve sort of done is set up boxcars like the relationship. Then I’m going to talk about what has to go into those boxcars.

I'm also going to elaborate on them for a minute or two, and then the last one is a dialog and then we're going to demo that and have you practice a piece of it and then show you a video of the dialog, so that you can really get it. I want to say this about these four things -- I hoped because of my narcissism and low self esteem that I would make a great discovery after studying couples for now nearly 25 years and figure out a formula that would be mathematically complex and win a Nobel Peace prize. Because the goals of all work with couples is peace. Everybody wants peace. You want peace in your relationship. We want peace on the planet. It is the universal human yearning and it is the case that, until we have peace in the family, we are not going to have peace on the planet. So this is the place and you are the source of peace on the planet. But it turns out that it is all simple, and when I got it figured out, I said -- Helen, I’ve come to the logical conclusion, I’ve taken all the stuff I’ve learned in 30 years that you and I have put together, and it turns out this is so simple it’s embarrassing, and so let me just come to you with that caveat that if you come up to me and say that really wasn’t very profound, I all ready told you it’s not. However, you will notice that it’s very difficult. That’s what makes it not just simple, because the first thing is you have to transform your brain. Transformation of consciousness means that you get it -- that you’re married to another person, you’re supposed to laugh at that, but perhaps it’s the enormity of the concept.

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